Today I commenced surgery on my friend Zorki. I haven't mentioned him for about a month as the arrival of Steve Jobs' little legacy, the iPad has rather dominated, but my love affair with my little Soviet time machine has been ongoing....actually now I look more closely at that Leica lens mount He might well be a She...er...Anyway (cough...I have to get out more), not unexpectedly Zorki, while perfectly functional, needs a little work. 45 years of Russian grime and finger grot.....excuse me I've just got to wait for that wave of nausea to pass....a dodgy spring on the rangefinder/lens sensor arm, practically invisible image in the focussing prism etc etc Nothing for it , it's time for some kitchen table surgery, or rather living/dining/everything table surgery. You can't get a table in my kitchen, you can only just about fit the dog in there and frankly he's not much use as a food preparation surface...I digress. Time to assemble the finest surgeons money can buy, gleaming, expensive autistically engineered surgical instruments, the best research science can conduct to guide our bone saws and scalpels . Or me, a few terminally cheap watchmakers screwdrivers, the tweezers out of my 30 odd year old dissecting kit, a scratched together website on the intricacies of Zorki innards, and a handful of trouser pocket fluff and a lump of blue-tac. Alright nurse lets save this patient! I say nurse, obviously I mean a cat called ASBO who really, really wants to be helpful. Having done all of the above and with screwdriver poised to remove the top plate (which from the state of the screws has never been opened before)....I decided that was enough for one day and I’d just put a camera strap on her (Zorki not ASBO). The problem is Zorki (my little babooshka) has a 1930's approach to that sort of thing and requires the fitting of a couple of little lugs before she'll wear that sort of modern innovation. Nil desperandum! eBay sell them for a couple of roubles a throw along with a huge range of straps for just a couple more. Straps with polka dots! Straps with stripes! Straps with cartoon characters! Straps that tell little lies like Contax and Leica! Peek-a-boo straps! Crotchless straps! It's like being an 80's yuppy loose in a combination Tie-Rack and Anne Summers shop! PayPal however, who seem determined to ruin my career as Zorki enhancement surgeon, say I can't afford things like that and so poor old Zorki has to put up with some creative salvage from my redundant filing cabinet key collection (a rather specialised collecting niche I admit) to-wit a couple of small split rings, and an old spare strap off my Canon EOS. She ain't happy in her borrowed Japanese finery but at least it means I no longer have to put up with what feels like 3 feet of 1960's Soviet leather "Ever-Ready" Case dangling around in the way when taking pictures. It's just putting off the inevitable though, all this sartorial shenanigans. Zorki still has An appointment with Maintenance. Stay tuned.
No comments:
Post a Comment