This Jesus character seems to be stalking me! As I hobbled across the hospital car park on my crutches today I felt a definite...how shall I describe it...a presence. As if someone was watching my struggles intently, as if they were walking close behind me! I turned and to my great befuddlement found that I was being followed by what appeared to be a man in a long black dress. Well you know me I'm all for live and let dress up and "alternative lifestyles" are fine by me and if you put a gun to my head I'd even have to admit that black probably was this guys colour but I didn't really like the way he was following my slow and painful progress, nor the way he was staring at me - a sort of mixture of pity and...well...hunger. It was all getting a bit too James Hogg-ian for my liking. What could this person want? Naturally I checked my wallet. Our eyes met and suddenly off he flapped, at speed, away across the car park in the way we had come, like some huge black bird. At this point I recognised the dress from deeply suppressed child hood memories of Kenneth More as Father Brown. This was none other than a Catholic priest in full plumage. A minion of this Jesus chap who's been sending me the notes. Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps he wasn't stalking me on his boss' behalf, perhaps it was a more obvious catholic priesty interest of his own...I am known as "Buns of Steel" in some quarters you know...but I would think I'd be a bit old for him. On the other hand some of us just can't help stirring these passions in others - after all I was once whistled at by a Russian sailor in Leith...and then there was the time during the Edinburgh Festival when I had my (admittedly pert) buttocks pinched by a large, hairy, bearded red headed person in Rose St.....But I digress. Strangely I found that as I drove home there were crowds of crows and ravens everywhere......all it needed was Carmina Burana on the stereo.
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