Who and What am I?

I imagine a word or two of background would be a good idea.

I am a largely horizontal person these days. I have in fact remained as horizontal as possible for the last 14 years - ever since I lost an argument with my horse about who should be on top of who while wildly galloping in a romantic, windswept sort of way across the Downs. Several spinal surgeries later the neurosurgeons bad me farewell with a sort of embarassed, apologetic shrug and introduced me to a rather furtive looking gentleman whose medical speciality appears to consist of the discrete supply of ever increasing quantities of interesting opiates.

Thus ended my illustrious career and my role as bread winner and began my new existance as a general drain on resources.

The years have passed surprisingly quickly and not without incident. My daughter was nearly 2 when I patted her on the head that fateful Sunday morning and went off for a ride and she is now in the closing days of her High School career. Her last GCSE is on Friday and then she is off at the end of summer to do her A levels at 6th form college. As for any parent watching their child becoming a young adult it is a bitter sweet moment, there is no shortage of pride and pleasure but there is also a sense of loss for the little girl that used to need and depend on you. This changing relationship presents me with a great deal to consider. As with many people who have had to cope with life changing injuries or loss I quickly found that my concept of what mattered in life underwent a profound change. After the accident with the loss of so much that defined who I was (my job, money, mobility, social life) my relationship with my wife and daughter became the touchstone of who I am. In particular it has been my role as a father that has given me purpose and a sense of value. So what now? Catie no longer needs me to anything like the same extent (which is of course exactly as it should be) and unfortunately my marriage has crumbled in the last three years or so and is I fear nearly over. So where to find purpose and meaning now? Big changes are coming and its time to adapt.