Apparently its all my fault

There was a leaflet in my postbox today advising me that a certain Jesus died for my sins. This puzzles me. I have by no means led a blameless life - a fact that fills me with both pleasure and regret depending on which sinful memory I'm contemplating, but I'm pretty sure (despite the drugged uncertainties of my memory) that I haven't done anything that merited nailing to a wooden framework for a lingering death. I am also fairly confidant that I didn't commit any crimes, transgressions or even acts of less than impeccable manners during the first century CE (or AD if you prefer). So on sober reflection I must conclude that this chap Jesus was mistaken - it was very civil of him I'm sure - but to be honest if he wanted to take responsibility for my sins it would have been quite adequate if he'd paid my speeding fines and debts and apologised for me to a few people.

Do you promise to be my bestest, specialist friend in the whole big wide world....please?

Watching Cameron doing his "my special friend Obama" act last week turned my stomach. If anyone didn't read the wikileaks US Embassy cables about William Hague's sycophantic pleading for the US to be our specialist bestest friend in the whole big wide world a year or so ago I reccomend they do. When will British politicians realise that we do not have a "Special Relationship" with America. We support them in their diplomatic spats and in their wars - even when as in the invasion of Iraq they are evil, agressive wars based on lies and deeply unpopular with the British people, in return they...um...give us lookwarm diplomatic support (Falklands), stab us in the back (Suez) and (after the Second World War) manipulate affairs to cripple our economy. Its not that they don't like us its just that the US of A acts in its own interests - emphatically not in ours unless they happen to coincide. We need to grow up and get over it, the fact is they have been seeing someone behind our back. There is a country with which they have a Special Relationship but its not us and it never was it's ISRAEL....and if that doesn't scare the shit out of you it damn well should.

Democracy? What democracy?

The shortcomings of US Democracy and government are very much on show this week. Our own shortcomings are well established and demonstrated; the unelected House of Lords and the large scale disenfranchisement of the "first past the post" system but the USA, with its elected Head of State, upper and lower elected Houses and independent judiciary safeguarding the Constitution has always seemed a more democratic structure. Ho hum...at the moment the biggest legislative achievement of Obama's presidency (in fact the biggest liberal achievement since LBJ) having stormily passed both Houses is in danger of being wiped out by one unelected official. The Supreme Court judges are appointed as much as anything for their political affiliations, at the moment there are 4 Democrats, 4 Republicans and 1 Independant, they are supposed to rule impartially on points of law but for a long time almost all important decisions have been decided 5 to 4 on party lines, the independant legal wing of government has degenerated into just another partisan Fight Club and the whole political edifice of Washington boils down to the decision of one unoffiliated judge. Its nothing new of course just think back to the election in 2000 when the pivotal count in Florida was disputed, a bipartisan recount narrowly gave the election to Al Gore but the Supreme Court was dominated by conservatives who ruled a recount illegal and APPOINTED George Bush to the Presidency. The reasoning justifying their decision was so weak and contrived that even they stated in the judgement that it could not be used to set a legal precedent, after all next time the boot might be on the other foot.

The Rising Rage of a Basically Compassionate, Democratic Sort of Chap

I am forming an undercover commando unit and I need recruits. 
I need me 8 socialists. We are going to be doing one thing and one thing only - killing Tories. We will be cruel to the Tories and through our cruelty they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disembowelled, dismembered, disfigured and disenfranchised bodies of their brother Tories that we leave behind us. The Tories will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands and our boot heels and the edge of our knives. The Tory will be sickened by us. The Tory will talk about us and the Tory will fear us. The Tory aint got no humanity and they need to be destroyed. Each and every man under my command owes me 100 Tory scalps......AND I WANT MY SCALPS!

Prescription Hell

Chaos reigns at our GP's surgery. 8 days ago I put in a repeat prescription request on the 24 hour service which requires one to actually turn up with the paperwork rather than lie semiconcious on the sofa and mis-spell the meds on their online service (Their website has been taken down so they can bring in new software to deal with the new nhs). 4 days later I went to get it -not done yet. My "Happy Pills" ran out. Day 5 still not there - withdrawal symptoms get bad. Day 6 not there - the "small creatures crawling under the skin stage" starts. Day 7 too ill to leave the house. Day 8, afternoon, the repeat arrives 30 minutes before I do but is in a huge mountain of other old overdue scripts as the surgery starts to clear its backlog. I leave and return 1 and a half hours later - I wait 20 minutes while they get to mine. I am kept company by the too loud, too fast chatter of some other junkie getting his methodone shot in the back shop. My turn - I get my get my fix. If this is what is happening now what will it be like when the changes officially arrive - GP's are being overwhelmed. 

Nocturnal Body Fluids

I awoke at regular intervals during the night to find Jake in what is becoming his standard nocturnal position - lying tucked in close and partially across my torso. His face is usually in contact with mine as he licks me over and over from forehead to chin - I'm not sure if its affection or waterboarding but the regularity with which I find my copy of Brokeback Mountain lying in his space is perhaps indicative. Maybe I'm wrong maybe its just that I taste of Chappie. The new development last night was that every time I opened my eyes I found myself breathing through his neck fur rather than gazing into his eyes. The cause of this?...licking operations had shifted from my face to the crown of my head. On entering the bathroom I was shocked to discover he had given me a Jedward hair style held in place and supported with Dog Saliva. I'm beginning to kind of like it in an Eraserhead sort of way.

Lazy, malingering bastards

The coalition are extending their Burnley pilot scheme on cutting the Incapacity Benefit bill by £7bn to the whole country. This means doctors will no longer be able to sign people off work, instead non medical staff will administer a questionnaire which will determine whether your ill or not with questions such as "can you reach your breast pocket?", "can you pick up a £1 coin?", "can you lift a mug?". So far the pilot scheme has found "fit for work" individuals with serious disability and often terminal disease eg one chap with both stomach cancer and the need for a heart bypass operation. 40% of cases are being fought with appeals. The govt says it has no responsibility to get the process right before applying it nationally. Incidently the only evidence advanced to support the idea that there is widespread abuse of this benefit is that 7% of the working population are on it...of course they forget to mention that this figure includes not only the temporarily sick but the entire disabled population of working age unable to work.